Thursday, May 3, 2012

Welcome Home

I am home.

Those are three words I never thought I would be so incredibly happy to say.  I missed my bed, I missed my blankie, I missed my stock pile of brown sugar oatmeal, I missed my kittens, and most of all I missed my "alone time."

I just spent roughly 168 hours with the same 24 people.  Granted, we were in one of the greatest cities in the world, and we saw a lot of dang cool stuff, but enough is enough.  I dedicate this gorgeous post to what I have learned from this past week.

Lesson #1: "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think"
     I have incredible inadequacy issues.  (They stem from being around geniuses every single day of my life.)  I was in Washington D.C. for the ultimate nerd convention.  I belong to a team who learns everything we can about government, writes papers about them, memorizes "fun" facts, and then willingly puts ourselves in front of Justices, Attorney (what's the plural of "attorney"? Leeches?), and other government officials to questions us about government.  It was figured out all the students that qualified to go collectively raised over 3 million dollars to do this.  Want to know something?  I won.  Well, my unit (there were five of us) won.  Want to know something else?  I was only in their unit for a total of six days before we won that beautiful trophy.  I didn't think I would be useful, I still don't think I did anything to help, and I feel incredibly guilty about being part of the winning group, but I learned I can't let it burrow into my heart and make me miserable.

Lesson #2: "To be left alone is the most precious thing one can ask of the modern world."
    I like being alone sometimes.  Rephrase, I HAVE to be alone sometimes.  If I don't get a chance to just be alone for a few minutes and sort out my thoughts and feelings I will snap at someone.  I was not alone for more than two minutes all week.  Now, me, being the cynical person I am, would now think something along the lines of "that's a lie, I bet so-and-so showered for longer than two minutes."  Yes, this is true.  However, my showers were not alone.  *sigh*  No, stop being a creep.  Our hotel room had four girls in it and a single mirror.  ONE MIRROR!  So, being concealed by the stark white shower curtain my roommates did their hair and make-up while I stood stark naked under the shower head.  I need privacy.

Lesson #3: "I can do hard things."
   Even writing this is hard.  I don't quite know who is going to be reading this blog (if anyone would even want to) and if some things should stay anonymous.  I learned I am not the person I thought I was on this trip.  I do not need a relationship to survive, heck! I don't even want one now. You have to learn relationships sometimes do not work out, and it's not necessarily because of you or the other person.  Sometimes the timing is just wrong.  Very wrong.  Jealousy is a funny thing, it entangles you in it's trap and drags you slowly down into it's deep, dark, scary pit of hatred.  (Look at that description, Like a Boss.)  I learned I can talk to people.  Specifically, I can tell a certain person exactly how I am feeling, and he can understand.

I love how certain things in your past make you rethink your entire future.  You crave to know what it would like to fall in love with a boy you have always thought to be a friend.  You have regrets, wishes, and fears, BUT everything will work out.  There will always be another day, another wish, and a friend to scare away your fears.  You will be happy.  You will have fun.  You can discover new things about yourself everyday.

You can be you.

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