Day 36 and 37...January 19, 2014

Day 36 & 37...I didn't spend the whole day with Morgan yesterday. Morgan had a great day Friday. I keep wondering if I was dreaming or if I was just making it up. It was really a great day. Saturday afternoon when I saw her she was good but it was the end if the day and she seemed confused a bit more. There are so many things that I worry about. It's not just her physical health but her mental also. Mental meaning, she still has difficulties putting memories together and they are not in order. Sometimes she remembers a memory and the next day she honestly doesn't. I am struggling trying to figure out how to approach things with her. I give her journals to read. She tells me she wants her friends to visit. I tell her to let me know names and I will let them know. She says "all of them". I tell her all of them might not be the best idea. So when she talks about someone a lot, I let them know and hopefully if they have time they can come visit. I figure if she has memories about someone, it may be best to have them come while they are on her mind just to reinforce the memories she is having. It seems to work pretty good because those who she has seen are in her everyday thoughts. She still has swelling on her brain but it has come down so much. She is more aware when she doesn't remember something. Sometimes she will say "I don't know what I don't know" I ask her if she feels confused and she says she doesn't. But then other times she remembers the smallest thing. It is just baffling to me. I want her so badly to remember experiences from her past. She has had good and she has had bad but they made her who she is. Maybe that's the problem I need to relax about it more and just love everyday with her. I do love every day with her!! Some of our best conversations are when i am alone with her in the room and we are just chatting. They are also the ones that make the most sense. The nurses today, and visitors of other patients, were telling us that Morgan threw a party in her room last night! Morgan talked about it all morning. She had some debate friends stop by and Morgan said her skull hurt from laughing so much....that's the skull in her abdomen. we thank all of you who were apart of the "party". She needed that and we are so grateful! You can see her thinking more. Like she is in a thought. That is something new that she has been doing. I worry about her and hate to leave her. Yesterday wasn't the best day for me. I woke up to read a message from a friend that helped more then she will ever know. Not all days are going to be good. And it is like one step forward and two steps back. But those good days do help and give hope that more good are to come. We see Morgan everyday so sometimes the progress seems slow but those who see her every week say the progress is amazing from week to week. We were able to attend sacrament together as a family. That was pretty awesome:). Morgan leaned over to me and said "do you see what McCall is doing" For all of you who know McCall...she just wants people to be happy:) and will do what she needs to do to make that happen. I just told Morgan that this is how every week in sacrament goes:). Back to normal....whatever normal is:) I do wish Tahiti wasn't so far away. She misses her missionary friends, members and Tahitian people. She did say again that she hopes the missionaries there are teaching the man who hit her. Another week ahead. I think the doctors meet on Tuesday again to let us know what the week holds for her. We are also anxious to speak to her neuro surgeon to see about when they will replace her bone flap.